over the past month i have experianced all the worst possible emotions i can possible feel, fear, self loathing, pain, and have cried more this past month than i ever have in my life time.

I guess i will look back on it all as a good time in my life the early years of my relationship were special to me and i will always remember them even the pain for times in my early years with my ex was special because i had someone to share it with and would never be alone.

lets face it no good person who simply tries to live their life in a hard world should ever have to be alone, love grows from being with someone whether it's romantic or just being with someone because it feels right, sharing the hardships and the strife is what it's all about and I have hopefully done that for another and she is all the better for it.

My one blessing is that i believe good people deserve to be treated good, good people can be trodden on and walked all over by others simply because they can and that just isn't right in my book, if i can give them my help whenever they need it and do so in a right way then maybe I have lived my life well.

My Friends are all I have and over the years I have made many good friends and i hope they feel the same towards me.

now that I am alone in a relationship sense i will move on but I will not look back the later stages of my relationship as they are some of the worst times of my life.

Hopefully with the help of my friends i come out of this even stronger.

I only relised how difficult it is to roleplay until yesterday when i played forsaken I had to watch myself when slipping into a childlike wildchild character, my problems are not to be forgotten otherwise im just gonna repeat them and that ain't gonna happen.

My thumb still hurts, think it's broken.............khan indeed!!

I just got my internet back after a few weeks and now i can talk with people again, this is good.

I have worked my arse of this week and helped a friend move homes in the evening after work I am shattered I wish to relax now and sleep and rest my brain, which still has it's problems.

is enough sleep ever enough ?

My head is constant pain and my nasail cavity feels like it's about to explode.

I've had this pain on and off for a few years now Im kind of used to it but every so often I wonder why I can't just take some miricle drug that will cure what ever ails me.

The doctors first thought it was asthma and I ended up get really sick because i was taking constant inhalers but turned out to not actually have asthema and that annoyed me slightly.

next it was determined to be an infection in my head like a head cold but constant, and trust me I have this ability to expell snot from my lungs on command whenever I please.

Not really proud about it but it's something I get used too especially after getting up in the morning, coughing up flem is like a ritual.

Like I said somedays it's not that bad, some days it's a bit shit.

the last time I visited the doctors they gave me amoxolin and well I may be loosing my faith in the doctors now.

what do you think.